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Showing posts from January, 2015

5 Things I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass For If You Post Another Article About Beating Stress on Facebook: The Life Cycle of the Suburban Artist Housewife Anxiety Attack

The anxiety had been building for three days.
It crept up like the crap that piles up around the dining room--just want to clear the table for dinner, dammit! Stick it over here and we'll sort it out later! But week or so of that--suddenly, as if through some dark magic, there's this teetering, veritable wall of crap: unopened mail, catalogs, schoolbooks, papers and forms to sign, school neckties and sweaters, shoe polish tins and stain removers and rope and violin rosin and first aid kits and dirty napkins and old cookie boxes. Eating a meal becomes like living in some crumbling, filthy crevice of the San Andreas fault.
It's getting to you, little by little...
That's IT, you think. I'm gonna clean that shit up.
And so I did--an entire Monday morning sifting through the detritus like some slacker archaeology dig--sedimentary layers of papers, last Monday's mail, and used Band-Aids, a lunch box with slimy half-eaten peach inside, 63 open safety pins, and  the sc…